I’ve known my calling since high school. I don’t have a specific moment or a prophetic revelation that I can pin point. No one spoke to me out of the blue, and I didn’t have dreams of the future. I just knew. Ironically I didn’t speak of it much, I just went about my way preparing for what I knew was ahead. But nothing I did could prepare me for what God has called me to.
When people speak of a calling on their life, they usually talk about being a missionary or hardcore pastoral inner city work. Other callings come up a lot: youth pastor, children’s pastor, businessman, worship pastor, administration/secretary/assistant to the pastor, “in the band”, techies, greeters, you name it and someone has felt called to be it… But my calling was nothing like that.
While I knew my calling when I chose my degree path, got accepted to college, dated the wrong guy, then dated the right guy, got married, and began my life with my husband, I didn’t fully understand what my calling entailed until August 2013. Ironically it took me trying to explain a situation to a teenage couple for my calling to shift into focus.
I remember bits of the full conversation, but I was explaining something to this couple while all of us were down in Orlando for Fine Arts and for a moment God took control of my mouth and tongue and spoke over my life and directly into my heart–from my own mouth. I can still feel the way the words pierced and etched.
I don’t know why God chose me, but He did. He chose me to be Cliff’s wife.
A calling to be a pastor’s wife is a ridiculously non-specific specific calling. Every pastor’s wife is different. She may be old or young, tall or short, jersey shore or southern belle, but at her core she is just the daughter of the most high King, trying to get it right one moment at a time. She has multiple hats and can probably tell you anything you need to know or find the right person in a second.
She is super-woman, super-mom, super-wife.
And I feel like I fail miserably on a daily basis.
Grace is a big player in being called to supporting your ministry spouse in a 24/7 job with no real vacations and holidays being “on” instead of “off.” While most jobs give you a day or so off at least a few times a year, those days off usually signify a holiday like Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas which generally are big outreach and event times for churches. Grace might be the only thing keeping pastor’s wives sane.
Since those spirit-covered words have lept out of my mouth while sitting cross legged on the floor of a hotel suite conversing with two teens about my calling, I have realized that my focus should not be on perfecting the art of filling a mold of what a pastor’s wife should be. Odds are I won’t be the fully-put-together second half of my ministry husband.
Since Judah has been born, most of the time I do my make up in the car. But my role is not to impress church goers or fit into what older generations expect. My role is to emotionally and spiritually support my husband as only I can. And frankly, I do a miserable job without Jesus on a daily basis.
I see his struggles and fears first hand, and I know him better than anyone else. But that doesn’t mean that I will always do this wife-thing right. It and definitely means that I won’t do this pastor’s wife thing right. And based on the last 2+ years of my son’s life, I won’t get the mom thing right most of the time either.
The one thing I can get right 100% of the time, it that I am the daughter of the most high King. No one can take that from me. No one can tell me what He has for me. My worth is in Him alone and everything else flows from Him any my relationship with Him. And if anyone speaks differently of me or about me–I would be wise to question their intentions or influence on my life. You should do the same.
So while I am on this journey designed specifically for me, a Specific Calling to a Surprise Party, my focus is on grace. The grace to be who I am called to be, to love my creator, to love my husband, and to love my offspring with unfaltering fervor.