The Moments I Knew Why I Exist

Ever have one of those “aha!” moments when you realize something that you never realized before? Something is made clear to you and you never knew why you didn’t see it before?

Just days before my mother had a dream about me being pregnant with my son, I had a conversation with two friends about marriage and relationships. These two individuals are young, but are very special to my husband and myself. They represent so much of our childhood, ministry and life. Their names are not important, very few people know who they are. And only the two of them and I were having this conversation.

These two individuals, who were dating for all intensive purposes, and who had come on vacation with myself, my hubs, and another married couple had had a rough day–all of us had. We will just blame testosterone and lack of sleep. Regardless, hurtful words had been said and misinterpreted, and intentions behind those words were masked by the words themselves.

Sometimes there’s no easing into being an adult, you just get molly-whopped by a situation.

This was one of those times.

I was sitting cross-legged on the floor next to a couch in our split hotel suite. The young couple sat on the couch and I looked into the eyes of a young man who was hurt and who was faced with adultism too soon. During this conversation about relationships and marriage, I remember talking about my marriage as an example.

My marriage has never been nor will ever be perfect or example-worthy. However, it’s been real, which is more of an example than anything else. We’ve fought, we’ve loved and we’ve persevered.

I remember saying, “I don’t know why I was chosen to be his wife, but I know I was chosen.”


God chose me to love him and him to love me. We were picked to deal with each other’s worst, and to rejoice in their best. As soon as that phrase came out, it was like a key turning inside me. I knew I existed to be HIS wife. No other female ever existed for him, and no other man existed for me. Cue Cinderella shoe moment. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. It’s not easy, but it’s accurate.

Shortly after that conversation, Cliff and I would conceive, and my mom would dream a dream. I had had a moment when I knew why I existed. I existed as a wife and a mate for Cliff. 20140614-211452-76492365.jpg


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