An entry from May 24th, 2013 at 7:27 am from my iPhone Notes:
Last night I dreamed I was holding a little baby boy and I knew he was mine. He came early and some people around me didn’t know I was pregnant. I didn’t have the right clothing for him, we didn’t have any toys and we hadn’t had a baby shower; but he had a beautiful round face. At one point I thought, wow I haven’t fed him in awhile I wonder if he’s ok. Then, I was feeding him and I remember watching him latch to the bottle and hugging him close. At one point I looked at his round face and pulled him close and felt overwhelming love and peace.
Eventually in the dream I ended up in an attic looking for old clothes of Kara’s, trying to find a onesie because while burping him his got dirty and I thought maybe I could find a plain girls one for him. Everything wasn’t right. I wasn’t prepared.
The main thought was unpreparedness. We hadn’t had a baby shower, we didn’t have the right clothing and only a few pieces of girls clothing, etc. God was preparing me and Cliff for a child, we weren’t ready yet or the timing wasn’t right. He was preparing, and that’s why we were not able to conceive yet.
It amazing how much we try to prepare ourselves. If you are anything like me, you make lists, plan out outfits, meals, choices and even conversations in your head, hoping that you can be prepared for life ahead, but ultimately you can’t.
Even two months before we conceived, God was sending us signs that we would have a son. It’s kind of weird to think that this kind of dream is exactly what many “characters” from the Bible had when they had visions/dreams. I had no sign that this was from God other than when I woke up I just knew. I knew we would have a son. I had no time frame, no clarification. Just that it was going to happen.
It wasn’t until two and a half months later that I got another sign from God about our son and my impending pregnancy.
As I look back on the events surrounding my handsome little guy’s birth and existence,
there is no denying God’s fingerprints.
Psalm 139 has never been more of a life chapter than at this point in my life. He knew my son before he was born. He hemmed him in before we even knew he was there and sent his grandma a dream to show His power and faithfulness.
However, before His plan could come to fruition, we had to be shaped and moulded to His image.